Another day without him

First Halloween without my dad. Not that Halloween was a big deal in our house, but he always liked giving out candy and counting how many kids came to the door each year.
Wish he was here to see how cool my son looks in his Batman costume and how adorable my daughter looks in her little Winnie-the-pooh outfit. And how creative my little sister is by dressing up as a mime. He would have loved that. He also probably would have been giving her all sorts of tips on how to act like a mime and how her makeup should be etc. He was always a very involved parent.

I seem to be measuring time by before he died and after. My niece's 1st birthday - he was here. Next weekend, for her 2nd, he won't be. It's so strange. He was here last Christmas, this one will be weird. I'm kind of dreading it. But it's also my daughter's first Christmas.

The past couple of days have been okay, maybe I'm accepting it better or maybe I'm avoiding thinking about it. I don't really know. But I do like not crying every time I think about him. Then I feel guilty. Which I know I shouldn't. The amount I have cried doesn't equal the amount I loved him. He would not want me to be sad all the time. He would hate that actually. It's so confusing.

Mourning is a tough process.