Tuesday, December 29, 2009


I have to admit, I'm glad Christmas is over. It went really well, but apparently I was stressed about it. I get a rash/hives sort of thing when I am really stressed and have had it for about a week now. Hopefully it disappears soon.

Christmas day was fine.Both of my kids were sick so we were up four or five times in the night and then my son was up at 7. We had a nice family time, opening stockings and presents. (My husband spolied me this year) Then my mom,sister, Grandma and aunt and uncle came over for brunch. We ate SO much food! It was great. It was a nice relaxing day.

Later on my brother and sister in law and kids came over. We were in a different house and I think it made things easier. I had some pictures of my dad out but we didn't make a big deal of it which I think was a good thing. We all knew we were all missing him but we really just needed a fun day and focused on the kids. We had some extra family and friends over for supper which made it fun.

On Sunday, some of my parents oldest friends had us all over. Us kids grew up together and we are more like family than friends. Now, lots of us have kids ourselves and it makes a big group. It was really nice to be together, but probably one of the hardest things to do so far this season for some reason. I have so many memories of the "adults" being in the living room visiting while us "kids" would hang out in the tv room. Every time I went into the living room, I had to remind myself that my dad wouldn't be in there, joking around with everyone. It was a very strange feeling. I've been there since he died but for some reason the Christmas gathering brought back all these memories.

So, I am glad it's over. One more check on the list of firsts to do with no dad. Christmas was probably the hardest so far.
I can't believe it is almost a whole year.
2009 will go down as one of the worst for my family. In the space of three months, my second cousin, great uncle and dad died. I think most of my family had a tough Holiday and is ready for 2010 to be better.
Here's hoping.

Monday, December 21, 2009

I should never have made this...

Monkey Munch/Puppy chow/addicting peanut butter treat
9 cups Crispix Cereal (Or Shreddies or whatever you want)
1 cup Semi Sweet Chocolate Chips
1/2 cup Smooth Peanut Butter
1/4 Butter
1-2 teaspoon Vanilla
1 1/2 cup Icing Sugar

Measure cereal into bowl and set aside. Microwave chocolate chips, peanut butter and butter in a bowl on high for 1 minute. Stir. Heat more if needed. Add vanilla.(I forgot this the last couple of times - no biggie) Pour chocolate mixture over cereal and mix. Pour mixture into large ziplock bag and add icing sugar. (Also helps to add a bit of the sugar before you put the cereal in too) Shake well. Store in ziplock bag or large sealed bowl (I think it tastes best stored in the freezer).

I used white chocolate chips for one batch. Soooo good. But the rest of my family prefers the dark choc. You could try butterscotch, mint choc chips or whatever else you fancy.
I haven't really followed the recipe since the first time I made it and it always turns out just fine. That's the way I like baking.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Feeling blah

Already this is harder than I thought it would be. I'm feeling very lonely these days. So glad the weekend is here and my husband will be home.

I know that Christmas will be busy so that's a good thing. I have too much time to think and be sad right now.
I went to my little sister's Christmas concert the other day. That was hard. Usually dad would have seats saved for us nice and early and would help entertain my son. It was just my grandma, son and I at this one. My mom went to the evening concert. It made me sad that my little sister had to see all the other parents out there, knowing that her dad wasn't there.

My dad is missing so much. I really wish he was here.

Christmas is going to be so weird without him.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The path of Peace

This is a post from my first blog - December, 2005

"Because of the tender mercy of our God,
by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven
to shine on those living in darkness
and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the path of peace."
Zechariah's song, Luke 1:78,79

I love these verses.
This is what Christmas is about. Our Messiah coming to save us.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

One day at a time

I'm trying to be happy these days. But the sadness creeps in at unexpected times.

So, my new thought is, every day that I miss my dad, that he is gone, is one day closer to seeing him again in Heaven.

That's all for today.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


"Don't have a baby because you want a baby, have a baby because you want to be a parent."

The other night my little sister asked me why I liked being a mom. I didn't know how to answer. Why do I like being a mom? Why did I want to be a mom? Because I love my kids? Because I love taking care of them? Because they are the most wonderful gifts from God? Of course, but her question got me thinking about motherhood.

I have always loved kids. I started babysitting when I was eleven and didn't stop until I had my own kids. My niece was born when I was 16 and I was thrilled. My little sister was born when I was 18 and I was the happiest big sister there ever was. So I thought having my own would be the most wonderful thing in the world. I remember thinking that if I ever got pregnant I would be happy every day of the pregnancy.

It took almost a year for me to get pregnant, at times I wondered if it would ever happen. So,we were a bit shocked when we found out. We were excited and scared. We had very little money and no benefits but knew that things would be okay. And it was. My husband got his present job (with benefits)three weeks after our son was born. Life was great. We loved being parents. We couldn't believe how boring our life was before him. Our son is wonderful. It wasn't all fun though, I have to say the first year after becoming parents was the hardest year of our marriage so far.

Then when our son was two we thought it'd be nice to have another one. Again, it took a long time. The day I went to my Doctor to start fertility treatment (I have pcos) I found out I was pregnant! We were thrilled. Our daughter has been such a gift. I truly believe that I would have let myself sink when my dad died had I not been pregnant. She was our light at the end of the dark tunnel. Watching our children play is one of my favorite things. They love each other so much already. My son gets concerned when she cries, and her little face lights up whenever she sees her brother.

Being a mom is hard. It is full of worry and guilt. It is sleepless nights and anxious days. You wonder if you are doing everything right, if you discipline properly, if your child is well behaved, if your child is eating a proper diet, if they are going to grow up to be caring, loving, well mannered, functioning adults and on and on it goes.

Motherhood is also the best thing in the world. Listening to giggles, getting hugs, being told, "I love you.", hearing your child pray, watching them play and discover the world, being so excited about new things. These are the things that make it all worth it. Seeing my husband's face light up when he looks at our kids gives me joy.

No wonder God used his only son to demonstrate how powerful he loves us. It is a love that is so strong you cannot even describe it. It feels like your heart will burst.

I love being a mom. Why? A million reasons, I'd have to write a book to list them all. It is the best job I've ever had.