Saturday, July 24, 2010

Yesterday, my mom, little sister and I met one of my "new" blogging friends and her mom for breakfast.
I say "new" because I kind of knew her from camp when I was a kid and she was a counselor. I also have been reading her blog for a long time.

She lost her dad in October. We connected awhile after that and have been in touch ever since. We have been trying to get together, with our moms (since they are in the same boat as well) since May and yesterday it finally worked!

We had a really nice time - chatted, cried a bit, laughed and talked some more. It was nice being with someone who is going through the same thing as I am and totally understands. Their loss is still so new and I feel for them going through this first summer without him.

She has been very honest in her blog and sometimes I feel like I could have written her posts. I am very thankful that we met and can be of some help to each other.

We had a really nice time and I'm looking forward to hanging out again.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

sorry for myself

I am having one of "those" days today. Pretty sure it can all be attributed to pms (sorry if that's too much information but it's true).

This weather is driving me crazy. We've had way too much rain. At 8 am it was thundering and now it is sunny. Maybe the sun will last but who knows. We were supposed to go out this morning to a friend's house. But I decided not to risk walking over with the kids in case it started to rain again. Not having a car is so annoying some days. I would love to be able to pack the kids up and go to the zoo or something.

The rain is also making our lives miserable by gathering in our basement. Our sump pump is running all the time, but you can still smell the water from the cold storage and laundry rooms. I used to love the rain. Now I hate it. It is wrecking my summer. We can hardly get any work done outside due to the wet and the mosquitoes.

I am feeling extremely overwhelmed with trying to spend time with my kids, worrying about our house, do laundry, cook and keep the house clean after being totally spoiled for the two weeks we were gone. Plus I start work next month and even though it's very part-time I'm wondering how I will manage.

Our phone has been out since Saturday. Super fun.

In my Grief Share book it talks about how every day/week/month/whatever, you miss something new about the person you lost. There are more facets to a relationship with a person then you even realize. Today I am missing my Fix-it dad who knew how to fix everything and would tell me all the answers to what we should be doing with our house. I could just call him and he would come over and make it better. I don't have anyone like that anymore. I was so spoiled to have a dad like that, and I miss him so much.
I am bawling as I type this, and my son is telling me not to be sad. I hate this. Of course I miss him everyday but for some reason, it hurts a lot more today. It's been 16 months. I just want to talk to him. I want to see his face and hear his voice. I want to see him with my mom. I want him to play with my sister and my kids and my nieces and nephew. I want him to answer the phone when I call their house.

I miss my dad.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Where I've been

We just returned home after two weeks in Nova Scotia. This is a bit of what we did there:

Blew some bubbles

More bubbles

Looked at rocks and threw some in the ocean

walked on the beach

watched the water

Saw a "sea monster"

Saw some boats

Ate the best Fish 'n Chips ever!

We had a great time! Saw lots of family, celebrated my daughter's 1st Birthday, relaxed and spent lots of time near the ocean. The kids were great - and even did well on the flights. Two weeks flew by - now it's back to reality. My son is having a hard time adjusting to only having me around after two weeks of undivided daddy and grandparent attention. We are still a bit jet-lagged and are trying to get used to being back at home.