Another January

6 posts in the last year. That's pretty bad. So I doubt anyone checks this anymore.

Sometimes I miss blogging, other times I just don't care. I really don't have time to just sit down and write, but on the other hand it would probably be good for me to get some thoughts out.

I am halfway through my third pregnancy. I don't remember a lot from my last pregnancy. My dad died when I was at this stage with my daughter.
I measured 6 weeks ahead at my past appointment and apparently did when I was pregnant with my daughter too but have no recollection of this. It's strange and I also feel guilty. With my son I kept track of everything and did for the first part with my daughter but then stopped. I just did not have the energy. And now with this one, I just haven't had time. And honestly sometimes forget that I am even pregnant.

It's hard to believe that in March it will be three years since my dad died. Three years since I saw him, hugged him, heard his voice. It's gone by very fast yet very slow.

Back to present day, I've been running a daycare out of our house since May. It's been good but hard. Lately I have been feeling really cooped up. I think just being stuck inside almost all the time is getting to me. It's been a warm winter, and we have gone outside to play but you still can't be outside all day long. And I won't drive with all the kids. We don't have enough carseats and I don't want that responsibility.
So here we stay, trying to keep the kids entertained with books, colouring, toys and snacks. (and the occasional Sesame Street or Diego episode)

Since I don't qualify for a mat leave, realistically and financially I can only take four months off when the baby comes. This is frustrating as I would love to be able to just have a year at home with just my kids. But we made this choice when I quit my job and we moved into this house. And I am very thankful for the house we live in and everything we have.

It's been nice to have a bathroom on the same floor as our bedroom and to not have to go down a steep of stairs six times a night!

So, not much else going on right now. Trying to figure life out and enjoy it. Trying to not rush through the day so I can go to sleep , but to spend quality time with my children while I only have the two. Trying to be happy with all the blessings I have and not envious of other's lives. Trying to not think too much about all that my dad is missing here on earth.
Trying to love Jesus and not continue questioning why our family has had to go through this heartache. Trying to appreciate that other's have it way worse and we were so lucky to have him for the time we did. Trying to enjoy the family that is here and love them.
I'll keep trying.

8 years

Wow! It's been awhile. However I was blog snooping today and see that most of my friends who have blogs have also been neglecting theirs, so I don't feel too bad.



What a summer it's been. Actually what a year. Seriously. If you told me a year ago that I would be living in a different house and running a daycare I never would have believed it. What a crazy year!




It was our 8th Anniversary yesterday and this post still rings true.
So now it is 8 years, two houses, three kids, a minivan (something we said we'd never get!) two new jobs and too many events to name.

We went out for supper last night and were talking about what life was like when first got married. It's funny how we thought life was so stressful, yet we had a nice apartment and made a decent amount of money, could pay all of our bills and had no kids or a house to worry about.
Sometimes I wish we could go back to that time and just enjoy it.
But that is how life goes. It's all perspective now.
Sure it was stressful being newlyweds when none of our other friends were married, I worked two jobs and was going to University. But I still wish I could go back and tell my 21 year old self to just relax and enjoy things.

I guess the lesson is to just live in the moment. Not to worry about tomorrow and to enjoy life. Because you never know what's going to happen. And worrying never changes a thing.

So Happy 8 years to my wonderful husband. I am SO thankful for you.

thoughts

We moved. We are settling into our new house. Life has been insanely busy and I barely have a moment to read blogs let alone write in my own.

So here are some random thoughts:

2 year old house vs 102 year old house = awesome

We have too much stuff

Toddlers are hilarious. My daughter is adorable.

My four year old is so ready for school. He is driving me crazy (in a good way) with questions. Yet he declares that he "knows everything"

I miss my dad

I really hope our old house sells soon

I would like to see our nephew and meet our niece.

I love summer weather

I have amazing friends

Life is a breath

So blessed to be a mom and have a great mom, grandmas and mother in law

I love Chai lattes

So many people need help. What can I do?

I will never catch up on laundry

Pray without ceasing

My sister in law is a good listener and I complain to her too much

My husband loves me. No matter what.

Jesus does want us to be happy. And to love unconditionally

Heaven is really real.

I am So blessed. I cannot take anything for granted.

Love.

The world is going crazy.

Love is all you need.

We have no idea...

Ten years ago I attended a DTS (discipleship training school) through YWAM in Scotland.
For the outreach portion of the school I went to Izmir, Turkey for two months. We worked alongside a missionary couple there who spent a lot of time working in the slums of Izmir.

I spent a lot of time with one family in particular. They were very poor. They had a two room apartment where the grandma, grandpa, mom and three little girls lived. The Grandpa had throat cancer and could no longer speak, and he made a bit of money selling balloons on the waterfront. The mom had to prostitute herself out when they ran out of money. I had never been around such poverty before. And the family accepted me as one of their own and loved me to bits. They were so friendly and loving. They always made me cay (chai tea) and always wanted me to eat whatever little bit of food they had. They had so little and shared it so willingly.

The missionary couple were from Denmark and moved to Izmir with their two small children. They learned Turkish and gave up their comfy life in Denmark to move to Turkey to share Jesus with the people in Turkey. They are an amazing family.

I have received updates from this family for the past ten years. They have gone through some very tough times. Yet, they stay in Turkey and serve the people there because that is what they have been called to do.
I received an email from them today. They have been working with a church in the red light distract of Izmir and the other day a man attacked the pastor.

This is an excerpt of the email:
"This Friday there was an evening of worship, and unfortunately we couldn’t be there. But at some time during the evening, our pastor was standing in front of the church, talking to a Turkish man, when a young man approached them, pulled a gun and started firing it at our pastor. The gun was shooting with blanks, but since they didn’t know that, they were shocked. Then the man pulled a rifle and wanted to shoot at them with that, but after they got over the shock they jumped upon him, tackled him and held him down. He managed to fire the rifle once, and it was loaded with real bullets, so it was only in the last second that they saved their lives. Besides the gun and rifle, the man also had pepperspray, smokebombs, a knife, and two guns with rubber bullets. They police came and took him away, and now we have a guard in front of the door when we are gathering. Every Sunday, since we started joining the meetings, there have been people making problems and noise in front of the church. This is a reality we face every day here, we never know when we can be attacked by a religious fanatic, but we pray to God for protection and boldness."

Reading this made me so thankful for the freedom to go to church on a Sunday and not to have to fear for my safety.
We have no idea how dangerous it can be in other countries. We are so blessed.

And we need to remember to pray for those who are living in other places...


Slum in Izmir
Bazaar

ch ch ch changes

Bad blogger, I know. I kind of forgot I had a blog.

So much has happened in the last two months.

Our daycare provider informed us that she would be moving in the summer. This came as a surprise and also a blessing in disguise.

I've been needing a change from work and the way life is now. I've been the community librarian for the past 6 years and while I love my job and the people I get to interact with, I've lost my energy for it.
So, we decided that if we could find the right house I would quit my job and stay home with our children and start a little daycare myself.

Getting kids to fill my daycare has proven very easy. I already have 11 part-time kids. All of whom I know their parents and know that the kids are great and will get along with mine. Which of course is top priority.

Finding the right house was more of a challenge. We looked at almost every house that was for sale in town. Every one that was in our price range was terrible. Smelled like smoke (or worse), was lived in by someone being charged with murder (true story), needed tons of repairs or didn't have a basement and was very tiny.
Finally we looked at one that was over our budget - and it was perfect. Two years old, unfinished huge basement with big windows (perfect for a daycare), lovely kitchen, an ensuite (be still my heart - I've been dreaming of a bathroom on the same level for 7 years now!), nice size yard with great deck, wonderful neighbours, attached garage etc etc (and did I mention wonderful neighbours?)

So, with some help from my wonderful mother, my friend who is a mortgage broker and running numbers over and over again (looking after one or two kids every weekday) it will be possible.
So we put an offer in. And got our house!
Then I gave my notice and the search is on for another librarian.

It all happened very quickly, but I know God is in control. So I'm trying not to feel overwhelmed.

We get possession next week! We'll paint, move in and then fix up our 102 year old house (with some help from my wonderful uncle, brother and rest of my family) then hopefully sell our old house fairly quickly. And get on with things!
I hope to start taking kids in May once we're settled.

We are so excited to have a house where we'll be able to have people over for BBQ's and gatherings. I'm even having my whole family over for Easter supper!

Feeling so blessed.



Did I mention I get a fabulous kitchen! I am dreaming of all the lovely cookies and treats and bread and meals that my kids and I will prepare in this kitchen.
Walk in pantry, normal size stove (I have an apartment size one in right now), huge fridge, big window, open with enough room for more than one person at a time!
I cannot wait!

Perspective

Recently I've been reading quite a few blogs about loss and grief and faith. You never know when things will change drastically. It can happen in a minute.

Life is a Breath

A little perspective is a good thing. I am beyond blessed. I have so much to be thankful for. I had my dad for 26 years and even though I am sad, I need to remember to count my blessings. And also to enjoy the family and friends I do have here - not always be longing for the ones that are gone. There is always someone who has it much worse than me.
In the grand scheme of things, our family has had it pretty good. Everyone experiences loss at some point. It's just a matter of when...



My friend Becky also lost her dad recently and blogged one day about how we need to remember our blessings despite our sadness and grief.

How Can They Hear is heartbreaking and inspiring. They just lost their daughter. I cannot imagine how painful that must be.

This is a family member of some friends. Journeying is an amazing woman who lost her husband in a car crash. Her children were all severely injured but are on the mend.

My mom. What can I say? I love her and am so grateful for her. As I've said before, to see her remain rooted in faith, be a single parent at this stage of the game to my 10 year old sister (also to my brother and I), Grandma to five others, and to continue teaching and active in her career is amazing and also inspiring.

A blog written by different widows.

A woman named Bonnie who lost her husband while pregnant with their second child

A grieving husband and father.
It's hard not to be feel a little depressed when reading all of these. But it's also hard not to be encouraged, inspired and uplifted too.



Today, be encouraged and inspired. And count your blessings. One by one.

Precious

In the Grief Share group I did last year, they talked about Miracle Moments. Times when you get a glimpse of Heaven or something that is a reminder from the person you have lost.

This is one of mine.
My dad left this note in my Bible right before I was baptized when I was 17.
It has always been one of my favourite verses.

I have always kept the note right there.

The first time I found it after he died, I fell apart. But now it is one tangible thing that I can look at whenever I need to.
I am so thankful to have something with his handwriting on it, and for the verse itself.


It is one of my most precious possessions.




We also found a note in my dad's wallet with this verse written on it after he died.

It was included in Rick's message at the funeral.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I am struggling right now.
Some friends lost their dad last week after a long battle with cancer. My heart breaks for them.
It seems there is heartache everywhere I turn

Yet there is hope. Which I cling to.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 (The Message)

And regarding the question, friends, that has come up about what happens to those already dead and buried, we don't want you in the dark any longer. First off, you must not carry on over them like people who have nothing to look forward to, as if the grave were the last word. Since Jesus died and broke loose from the grave, God will most certainly bring back to life those who died in Jesus.