Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Another January

6 posts in the last year. That's pretty bad. So I doubt anyone checks this anymore.

Sometimes I miss blogging, other times I just don't care. I really don't have time to just sit down and write, but on the other hand it would probably be good for me to get some thoughts out.

I am halfway through my third pregnancy. I don't remember a lot from my last pregnancy. My dad died when I was at this stage with my daughter.
I measured 6 weeks ahead at my past appointment and apparently did when I was pregnant with my daughter too but have no recollection of this. It's strange and I also feel guilty. With my son I kept track of everything and did for the first part with my daughter but then stopped. I just did not have the energy. And now with this one, I just haven't had time. And honestly sometimes forget that I am even pregnant.

It's hard to believe that in March it will be three years since my dad died. Three years since I saw him, hugged him, heard his voice. It's gone by very fast yet very slow.

Back to present day, I've been running a daycare out of our house since May. It's been good but hard. Lately I have been feeling really cooped up. I think just being stuck inside almost all the time is getting to me. It's been a warm winter, and we have gone outside to play but you still can't be outside all day long. And I won't drive with all the kids. We don't have enough carseats and I don't want that responsibility.
So here we stay, trying to keep the kids entertained with books, colouring, toys and snacks. (and the occasional Sesame Street or Diego episode)

Since I don't qualify for a mat leave, realistically and financially I can only take four months off when the baby comes. This is frustrating as I would love to be able to just have a year at home with just my kids. But we made this choice when I quit my job and we moved into this house. And I am very thankful for the house we live in and everything we have.

It's been nice to have a bathroom on the same floor as our bedroom and to not have to go down a steep of stairs six times a night!

So, not much else going on right now. Trying to figure life out and enjoy it. Trying to not rush through the day so I can go to sleep , but to spend quality time with my children while I only have the two. Trying to be happy with all the blessings I have and not envious of other's lives. Trying to not think too much about all that my dad is missing here on earth.
Trying to love Jesus and not continue questioning why our family has had to go through this heartache. Trying to appreciate that other's have it way worse and we were so lucky to have him for the time we did. Trying to enjoy the family that is here and love them.
I'll keep trying.


  1. I still check once in awhile, so it's good to hear from you :) I'm glad your pregnancy is going well...I'm hoping for you that the rest of the winter will be short and quick :) take care and say hi to your family from us. carter still mentions 'holiver' whenever he wears that orange monster truck t-shirt :)

  2. Hey!
    I was thinking about you today. Thinking about uncle Doug...don't know why you both were in my head, but know that I was praying for you. love you lots.