Inspired

I've been inspired by a couple of things lately.

First:


http://flylady.net/

Anyone who knows me, knows that I hate cleaning with a passion. But now I am inspired to get it done. One baby step at a time. The FlyLady says you can do anything for 15 minutes at a time. She also says that I am not lazy. Which is what I tell myself when I can't keep my house clean.

She says, "Your problem is that you don't know what to do first and when you decide on a course of action, you are continually spinning your wheels and unable to finish anything. By the end of the day you are exhausted, the house is trashed and you have accomplished nothing."

That is exactly my problem, I start something, see something else that needs doing (because I'm a multi-tasker) and start that,and so on. I don't get anything done, then feel as if there's no point because I like things done right and if it's not getting done right it might as well not get done at all.

FlyLady says to focus on one thing/room for 15 minutes a day. Eventually it will get done. She also says to focus on getting rid of clutter. Are the things we own blessing our house or just taking up space? We have so much crap around that doesn't need to be here. Also, when you buy something, throw out or give away something else. For example when you buy a new pair of shoes, throw out your old ones. We really live in a culture of excess - how many pairs of shoes does one person need?

Second:


For awhile now I've been asking myself if i'm genuinely interested in people's lives or just nosy. I check everyone's status, look at pictures and "like" people's comments etc. But do I really need to do it 5 times a day? Is this enriching my life?
Is it taking time away from other more important things?

I started by deleting some of my contacts or friends on facebook. People that I probably wouldn't talk to if I saw them walking on the street. I also (while in a bad, feeling sorry for myself mood) "defriended" the people who didn't write me or acknowledge my dad's death when I KNEW they for sure would have heard about it. Some of them I was very close to while growing up and felt that at least some sort of acknowledgement was necessary.

So now I am taking a FAST from facebook. For Lent. I might check my own profile once in awhile just to see if anyone has written to me but I am not going to snoop on others profiles or look on the Home page to see what others are up to. As my inspiration for doing this said, I am going to live in the real world for awhile.


So hopefully with my newfound skills at tackling and cleaning and organizing my house and the free time to do so because I am not constantly checking the computer I will also be a better mother and wife.
I will probably be blogging a bit more too:)

Peaches and Cream

When I was little (around 8 or 9 I think) there was a Barbie that every little girl wanted and lots of my friends had. It was called "Peaches and Cream Barbie" She had the most beautiful peach dress with a long flowing skirt and a peach wraparound.

I had always heard the term "peaches and cream" and wondered what it would taste like. If they named a Barbie after it, it must be a really wonderful dessert.

So, my dad went out to the store and bought a peach and some real cream. Then he cut up the peach,put it in a bowl and poured some cream over it and gave it to me.

It tasted awful. Not sweet at all. Not what I was expecting at all.

So I didn't eat it.
What a waste.

My dad was probably a bit annoyed. But I don't remember it being a big deal.
I wanted to try it, so he let me.

That's what kind of dad my dad was.

A Letter

This is an assignment from the GriefShare support group that I am in. We are supposed to write this and give copies to friends. I choose to share it this way.
I realize some might find it awkward, so it's here if you want to read it.


To my friends,

This past year has been the hardest in my life. My Dad died suddenly and unexpectedly in March. We did not even get to say goodbye to him. Even though it has been almost eleven months, I (and my family) am still hurting. Some days are okay and others I don't want to get out of bed. It is going to take my family and I a long time to recover from our loss. Please don't rush us.

I want to say thank you to those who have supported me and grieved with me. Thank you for understanding when I have been aloof and angry and sad. Thank you for continuing to be there for me. To those who brought food, and sent cards and did other things to make our family's life easier - thanks so much.
Please understand if I have not been a good friend during this time. I simply have not had the energy to keep up with phone calls and visits. It is not because I don't care about you.

Right now, we (my whole family) need your prayers. And even if you don't know what to say, a hug or listening ear is great. Don't be scared by my tears. They are necessary.
And Please don't be afraid to mention my dad to any of us. Especially to my little sister and my children. They need to hear how wonderful he was. It hurts more when you pretend he didn't exist. He was a wonderful man and we need to talk about him. It hurts so much to know that my dad never got to meet my daughter. Having her this year was a wonderful thing - it gave us all some light at the end of the tunnel. But it was very difficult as well. The stress of grieving and having a newborn was more than I could handle somedays.

Slowly things are getting easier. But I realize there is no magic number.
I know that God has a plan. Even if it doesn't make sense to me. Like Rick said at my dad's funeral: God doesn't make mistakes - his timing is perfect - even if we don't get it. Dad trusted this. We need to as well. In his wallet he carried around a piece of paper with the verse Isaiah 41:10.

Please continue to check in. A simple note or phone call or visit lets me know you care. Things are never going to be the same again, especially for my mom and sister. We all need lots of time and patience.
And sometimes some practical help. If you want to help out with something, tell us. Don't expect us to ask for help. We won't.

Don't be afraid to mention this to me. I am putting it out there on purpose.
Thanks for reading and for continuing to pray for us.

Little boys

A quote from my three year old.

Son - Do you have a penis mommy?
Me - No, just boys have penises.
Son - lots of boys?
Me - Yes. (trying not to laugh)

We have had MANY conversations like this. He just can't believe that girls don't have a penis.

He's also learning how complicated the English language is.
After my husbands' mom left yesterday he said - "I miss Grandma so well".


At least he doesn't ask for Beer anymore!

Blah Thursday

So many things I want to write about, but don't think I'll get it all out today:

My mother-in-law was here for the past two weeks. She left this morning. It was SO nice to have some adult company during the day. She helped me with the kids, did dishes, laundry, swept, let me get some extra sleep, etc etc. My husband's family live on the East Coast so we usually only get to see them once a year. We usually go there in the summer so we can visit with everyone. But this year, I didn't want to travel with a newborn so his parents came to visit in late summer. Then my MIL came out for this visit because the price was right and to spend some more time with the kids. It was great! My son made her read him so many stories - I'm sure she was tired of reading but he loved it!

I am going to have to get out more - having someone around to talk to makes you feel so lonely when they're gone. I love my kids, and talking with my son is great, but he's still only 3!
To top it off, we all now have colds. Perfect. I just mentioned the other day that we've been so healthy this winter so far. Usually it seems like my son has a constant cold during winter, but this one was good. Until now. Oh well.

I have so many other thoughts I want to get out, but am out of energy.
Plus I still have to figure out what to make for supper. So, I hope to return to faithful blogging soon. One of these days I will actually write more than one post in a week.

Prepare yourself

grief  /grif/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [greef] Show IPA

–noun
1. keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.
2. a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow.


I have joined a Grief Share group at the church we have been attending.
I went to the first meeting last night. It was quiet, a bit uncomfortable, but good. I'm sure we will all warm up to each other in the coming weeks.
I think it is going to be a good thing for me to actually DEAL with some things rather than pushing them away to deal with "later on".

Prepare to be inundated with quotes, comments and thoughts all pertaining to GRIEF.

Grief is a normal process that will take as much time as it takes. I will not allow others to tell me how long I should be grieving. Or allow others to tell me how I should be grieving. It is an individual, complicated thing.
I am going to do what I need to do. I am going to allow God to show me Compassion and Grace and work with me through this process.
Even Jesus experienced grief. I am not weak because I am grieving. I loved my dad. He died. I am sad.
And I am not over it just because it's been 10 months. Some days it feels like it was yesterday.

Last night I told my husband, when you don't ask about or mention anything about my dad, it feels like you don't care.

I know he cares and is sad as well. But that's how I feel.

If you know someone who's grieving (this is not a call for attention to myself - I know whoever reads this loves me and most of my friends have been wonderful in this way) just send a note or call or let them know you are thinking of them and missing the person they lost too.

That's all.

a new year

2010. I cannot believe Y2K / New Years 2000 was ten whole years ago. I remember that night vividly. I was in grade 12. Excited for everything to come. We had a party at my friends house, hung out, watched some movies, ate some food and thought we were so mature and cool.

I had so many plans and dreams. I was going to move out with some friends for awhile, travel the world and then go to school. I was going to become a famous photojournalist and not settle down for a long time.

It's so funny how plans change. I did move out with friends, travelled and went to school in Scotland and came home and went to University. But then I got married, quit school, and worked in a flower shop, as a nanny and eventually became the community librarian. Now, I'm back where I started with two kids of my own. I love my life, but I honestly didn't think I would settle down in the same town I grew up in. It's just worked out this way.

I always knew I wanted to get married and have kids. I just thought it would be a bit later in life. If you had told me I would be where I am now, I would have laughed. Yet I am living a wonderful life. If I had to do it all over again, I would.

I do long for adventure, and maybe someday we will move, at least temporarily somewhere exciting. Right now, we are where we should be. I can't imagine leaving now. I need to be close to my mom, sister and grandma. We need each other more than ever.

I am so lucky that I got to spend as much time with my dad as I did before he died. When I was on maternity leave with my son, we only had one car, so I would call my dad to come pick me up and we would go hang out at my parents house. He would take me shopping at Costco and my son got to know him really well. I will always be thankful for that. Had we not been living around here I wouldn't have known my dad as well. I think I would have a lot of regrets if we had moved away.

I have so many thoughts for the New Year. But right now, they are pretty concentrated on my dad. How hard 2009 was. What a rotten thing it is to lose someone unexpectedly. How badly I wish I could have said goodbye and told him how much he meant to me and all of us.
I'm also trying to reconcile that 2009 was a wonderful year. My beautiful daughter was born. That makes it a great year. This is a difficult thing to process.

So here's to a New Year. Full of promise and hope. I know God has a lot of things in store for our family and me individually. There's a lot to look forward to. And Like I've said before: every day that I am missing my dad is another day closer to seeing him again.