Sunday, January 3, 2010

a new year

2010. I cannot believe Y2K / New Years 2000 was ten whole years ago. I remember that night vividly. I was in grade 12. Excited for everything to come. We had a party at my friends house, hung out, watched some movies, ate some food and thought we were so mature and cool.

I had so many plans and dreams. I was going to move out with some friends for awhile, travel the world and then go to school. I was going to become a famous photojournalist and not settle down for a long time.

It's so funny how plans change. I did move out with friends, travelled and went to school in Scotland and came home and went to University. But then I got married, quit school, and worked in a flower shop, as a nanny and eventually became the community librarian. Now, I'm back where I started with two kids of my own. I love my life, but I honestly didn't think I would settle down in the same town I grew up in. It's just worked out this way.

I always knew I wanted to get married and have kids. I just thought it would be a bit later in life. If you had told me I would be where I am now, I would have laughed. Yet I am living a wonderful life. If I had to do it all over again, I would.

I do long for adventure, and maybe someday we will move, at least temporarily somewhere exciting. Right now, we are where we should be. I can't imagine leaving now. I need to be close to my mom, sister and grandma. We need each other more than ever.

I am so lucky that I got to spend as much time with my dad as I did before he died. When I was on maternity leave with my son, we only had one car, so I would call my dad to come pick me up and we would go hang out at my parents house. He would take me shopping at Costco and my son got to know him really well. I will always be thankful for that. Had we not been living around here I wouldn't have known my dad as well. I think I would have a lot of regrets if we had moved away.

I have so many thoughts for the New Year. But right now, they are pretty concentrated on my dad. How hard 2009 was. What a rotten thing it is to lose someone unexpectedly. How badly I wish I could have said goodbye and told him how much he meant to me and all of us.
I'm also trying to reconcile that 2009 was a wonderful year. My beautiful daughter was born. That makes it a great year. This is a difficult thing to process.

So here's to a New Year. Full of promise and hope. I know God has a lot of things in store for our family and me individually. There's a lot to look forward to. And Like I've said before: every day that I am missing my dad is another day closer to seeing him again.


  1. I SOOO know what you mean about longing for adventure! Sometimes I feel so weighed down by my motherly responsibilities... but I also wouldn't trade my life for anything.
    I pray that 2010 is a wonderful year for you and your family :)

  2. I know how you feel about not being able to say goodbye...that totally sucks! I still find myself wishing I cold have said goodbye to my dad.

    I think adventure is where you look for it. So, don't stop looking! Here's hoping 2010 will be a great year for all of us.

  3. I have learned LIFE is the adventure. It takes twists and turns you would never expect and is seldom what we plan. Ask God to open your eyes to the glorious joys of the mundane.

    It is so nice you were close to home and the heart of your family when you thought you would be somewhere else in life. God knows what we don't, so thankfully you have memories to cherish til you see your dad again.

    I agree with Cher, " Death sucks!". It is so final. (But inevitable.) My greatest source of comfort is in Acts 17:24-31. In part it says, "From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live." (v26) God bless, Loretta