It's been a year since the last time I saw my dad.
We went to visit him in the hospital after his surgery. He was in a really good mood for being in lots of pain. We laughed and joked around with him like normal. To this day I wish we had brought our son so he could have seen him one last time. We stayed for almost an hour, I gave him a hug and kiss and that was it. I would never get to see him again.
He was supposed to come home two days later. Instead, a blood clot developed and killed him.
It will sound weird but I don't really want this year to be over. Because it means that now it will be over a year since he was here. Can't explain it any better than that.
I feel like a bundle of nerves these days. Memories are coming back, and with them feelings of dread and extreme sadness. I really hate reliving the day he died. I hate the fact that I was the one who had to call my brother. I hate the fact that I was the one who had to tell my little sister that our daddy was dead. I hate that day.
I am not looking forward to March 9th. But it will come and then it will be gone.
I am telling myself that things are going to be okay. He really wouldn't want us to be sad on that day. He would want us to laugh and joke and tell funny stories about him and to celebrate his life.
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I am sad that you had to do those terrible tasks...I'm sad we had to live that dreadful night. I think that after the year of no dad that people will think we should be " all better ", and really, we will never be "all" better. I just want it to be March 10, but then it is just the start of another year without Doug. Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter, one of my best friends.
ReplyDeleteMom
My heart breaks for all of you. I'm praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't sound weird to me at all. I hated being in 2010. The first year he didn't live in. I know I will hate having lived a whole year without my dad. I think it's because it feels like we're leaving our dads behind. And I think it's because (at least for me) I'm so focused on just making it through, once that last milepost is behind me... What? Then what? Facing a year without Dad is one thing, facing a lifetime is much harder.
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking of you on the ninth. (That'll be my family's six month milestone.) I wonder when the day will come when the memories of his wonderful life aren't so overshadowed by the memory of losing him? I will pray that for you, that you will be able to think about those happy things more than you think about the day he died.
Lots of hugs.
(That posted twice. ??? I deleted one.)
ReplyDeletePraying for you.
ReplyDeleteDana,
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to believe, isn't it? One year-long void. Just cry. I'll be praying for you and your family. Love to you all.
God bless, Loretta
Absolutely BEAUTIFUL photo. Definitely a treasure! I'm crying as I read your post. When its SOMEONE YOU LOVE, I don't think you EVER get over it. You just learn how to live with it!
ReplyDeleteJust know you are NOT alone in your sorrow and with God's grace you will continue to make your Dad proud.
My thoughts & prayers are with you and your family.♥
Dana - thanks for being real.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as March hits, I've been thinking about this tragedy. Still seems unbelieveable, unreal...
Know that it wouldn't hurt if your dad was a lousy guy. The fact that it hurts badly attests to the fact that your dad was pretty awesome, and impacted a lot of people for the good.
Remember those good times. Remember that you and his family are his legacy and you do him proud.
Love you lots.
Kari