Oodles of Zucchini

It is feeling more like Fall here these days. It's only supposed to get to 16 degrees. So I decided we would do some baking today.
My friend runs a gardening program http://www.chep.org/cg/index.html and gave me a great deal on some fresh veggies. The zucchini are pretty big so I thought I'd make some muffins and bread from them. I also tried making fried green tomatoes (from my own tomato plants!!!) and zucchini last night for supper. The tomatoes turned out soggy but I thought the zucchini were pretty good. The kids disagreed.
A friend of mine made some super yummy chocolate zucchini bread the other night and I made that on Saturday.
Then today with my kids "helping" me in the kitchen we made this:

ZUCCHINI BREAD

Ingredients

• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 3 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 3 eggs
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• 2 1/4 cups white sugar
• 3 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 2 cups grated zucchini
• 1 cup chopped walnuts

Directions

1. Grease and flour two 8 x 4 inch pans. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
2. Sift flour, salt, baking powder, soda, and cinnamon together in a bowl.
3. Beat eggs, oil, vanilla, and sugar together in a large bowl. Add sifted ingredients to the creamed mixture, and beat well. Stir in zucchini and nuts until well combined. Pour batter into prepared pans.
4. Bake for 40 to 60 minutes, or until tester inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in pan on rack for 20 minutes. Remove bread from pan, and completely cool.

I was out of eggs so used applesauce instead and didn't add nuts because my daughter is still too young. I added some poudre douce spice with the cinnamon. I also used less sugar, about 1 3/4 cups instead of the 2 1/4 cups it called for.
I tend to do this a lot - substituting and almost always use less sugar than the recipe calls for. It usually works out- sometimes not, but I'm learning what works. We made one loaf and then used the rest of the batter for muffins.

Tonight I'm going to try pasta with zucchini ribbons and salmon. Hoping the kids will eat that as readily as the muffins.

new normal

Grieving is hard. Missing someone is awful. Expecting them to be there and then realizing they are not can make you physically ill.

But do you know what is worse? When life starts to feel normal without that person around.

I am starting to not look for my dad when I go to my mom's house. I don't expect to see him in his chair when I walk through the door. I am starting to forget his laugh and his voice. I don't expect to hear him answer the phone. I don't pick up the phone to ask him a question. I don't worry about the coming winter and all of the icy sidewalks and stairs that he could slip on.
When I dream of him, I know that he is gone and wake up sad instead of hopeful. Because I want to just keep dreaming.
I no longer think of things to bake to take over to him. I can't ask him what my mom would like for her birthday.

I know this is normal and probably good...? But it feels much much worse.

it waits for no one

Time is going by way too fast for me these days.
My little boy just turned 4 and my daughter has started to walk!

I am back at work and the kids will start their new daycare tomorrow.

I am trying to enjoy my children, not get too stressed out about things that won't matter tomorrow and just be a mommy.

I remember how fast my son's first year went and when my daughter was born I told myself to enjoy every minute because I knew it would fly. It went even faster than the first one.
I want it to stand still - just for a moment...

Babies Don’t Keep
By Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,
Lullabye, rockaby, lullabye loo.
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo,
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo,
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs;
Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

August 3

Today would have been my dad's 58th birthday.

Happy 2nd Birthday in Heaven dad.
I love you and miss you.

Yesterday, my mom, little sister and I met one of my "new" blogging friends and her mom for breakfast.
I say "new" because I kind of knew her from camp when I was a kid and she was a counselor. I also have been reading her blog for a long time.

She lost her dad in October. We connected awhile after that and have been in touch ever since. We have been trying to get together, with our moms (since they are in the same boat as well) since May and yesterday it finally worked!

We had a really nice time - chatted, cried a bit, laughed and talked some more. It was nice being with someone who is going through the same thing as I am and totally understands. Their loss is still so new and I feel for them going through this first summer without him.

She has been very honest in her blog and sometimes I feel like I could have written her posts. I am very thankful that we met and can be of some help to each other.

We had a really nice time and I'm looking forward to hanging out again.

sorry for myself

I am having one of "those" days today. Pretty sure it can all be attributed to pms (sorry if that's too much information but it's true).

This weather is driving me crazy. We've had way too much rain. At 8 am it was thundering and now it is sunny. Maybe the sun will last but who knows. We were supposed to go out this morning to a friend's house. But I decided not to risk walking over with the kids in case it started to rain again. Not having a car is so annoying some days. I would love to be able to pack the kids up and go to the zoo or something.

The rain is also making our lives miserable by gathering in our basement. Our sump pump is running all the time, but you can still smell the water from the cold storage and laundry rooms. I used to love the rain. Now I hate it. It is wrecking my summer. We can hardly get any work done outside due to the wet and the mosquitoes.

I am feeling extremely overwhelmed with trying to spend time with my kids, worrying about our house, do laundry, cook and keep the house clean after being totally spoiled for the two weeks we were gone. Plus I start work next month and even though it's very part-time I'm wondering how I will manage.

Our phone has been out since Saturday. Super fun.

In my Grief Share book it talks about how every day/week/month/whatever, you miss something new about the person you lost. There are more facets to a relationship with a person then you even realize. Today I am missing my Fix-it dad who knew how to fix everything and would tell me all the answers to what we should be doing with our house. I could just call him and he would come over and make it better. I don't have anyone like that anymore. I was so spoiled to have a dad like that, and I miss him so much.
I am bawling as I type this, and my son is telling me not to be sad. I hate this. Of course I miss him everyday but for some reason, it hurts a lot more today. It's been 16 months. I just want to talk to him. I want to see his face and hear his voice. I want to see him with my mom. I want him to play with my sister and my kids and my nieces and nephew. I want him to answer the phone when I call their house.

I miss my dad.

Where I've been

We just returned home after two weeks in Nova Scotia. This is a bit of what we did there:

Blew some bubbles

More bubbles

Looked at rocks and threw some in the ocean


walked on the beach

watched the water





Saw a "sea monster"

Saw some boats

Ate the best Fish 'n Chips ever!


We had a great time! Saw lots of family, celebrated my daughter's 1st Birthday, relaxed and spent lots of time near the ocean. The kids were great - and even did well on the flights. Two weeks flew by - now it's back to reality. My son is having a hard time adjusting to only having me around after two weeks of undivided daddy and grandparent attention. We are still a bit jet-lagged and are trying to get used to being back at home.