Sunday, April 25, 2010

brick wall

Today my son randomly said something about Papa being dead and why was Papa dead, how did it happen and on and on.
I was in the other room and my husband was a bit shocked but managed to say something about Papa's body not working properly and he died and now he was in Heaven. I, of course got all choked up.

It never ends. When you think you are managing a bit better and that life is moving on a bit, just one question brings you back to the start.
I honestly was almost starting to feel like my old self again lately. I've been keeping busy and have felt happy and have been getting things done.
I guess this will come and go.
But today I am angry.
This is not fair.
I am too young to not have a dad. My kids need a grandpa close to them. My mom needs her husband. My sister needs her daddy. My husband needs a Godly man around. My brother needs him. We all need him. And he's gone.

My dear friend is getting married soon. She was like another daughter to him. He would have really enjoyed knowing she met a wonderful guy. Another dear friend just had a baby. Another had twins. Good friends of his just became grandparents. My dad would have been so happy to hear the news.

I know all the Biblical answers. God's timing and how our days are numbered from the start, and how this is in the Master Plan. But right now I am struggling to understand how anything good can possibly come out of this.


  1. I know. I feel the same.

    I can believe that good things can happen again, but I still feel like only bad has come of losing Dad, and that all the good things that happen could only be better if Dad was here to share them with.

    It's so hard. And I'm not sure that I'll ever figure out the "why" until I am standing in front of God and can finally ask him... Why? I just have to be okay with that until then. But some days, even being just okay seems almost impossible.

  2. A brick wall - that's a good way to put it.

    May I recommend a book? It's called "God on Mute" by Pete Greig. He takes on some of these heavy questions with respect and wisdom.

    Yeah, I hear ya! It's not fair. The good thing is that God can handle us saying this to him. He isn't going to strike you dead for these feelings!

    We continue to pray for the extended Shanks family. Thanks for being open about your feelings.

  3. I saw that book on Karis's blog. I'll pick it up next time i'm at Scott's...
    Thanks Sylvia!

  4. Dana this may sounds trite, but I asked my self the same questions 20 years ago when mom died. Now I can see some of the work God had planned. I still don't have all the answers and it still hurts ALOT at times. I pray for you often.