Tuesday, February 23, 2010


A friend of mine recently asked if I still think of my dad everyday. Yes I do.
I started thinking about how often a thought about my dad passes through my mind.

A typical day goes like this:
I wake up, think about what needs to be done during the day, and then remember my dad is dead. It feels like a kick in the stomach. I literally feel sick whenever I am reminded of this. I think about how much I miss him and all that he is missing here.

I feed my daughter and make my son's breakfast, we play, read some stories and again I am reminded by some unknown force that I have no dad to call and tell what my kids have been up to. Another kick.

We have lunch, I put my daughter down for her nap and as I hold her in my arms, my eyes well up as I think of how much my dad would have liked to have held her, just once.

My son and I might read or watch some tv or play on the Wii (Nintendo). When I see my dad's Mii character on the Wii and my son says something about what Papa is doing, I get kicked again. I try to talk about happy things with my son and remind him of what fun he used to have with his Papa, but it still makes me sad.

Then I make some supper, talk to my mom on the phone and am kicked when I think about her and my little sister alone in their house. No dad.

Throughout the evening, we have some family time, play a game, watch some tv and then put our son to bed. As we pray with our son, we thank Jesus for the good day and ask him to send his angels to watch over us and to say hi to Papa in Heaven. Another little kick. This is a bittersweet time for me as I try to remember that Heaven is way better than here on Earth. But I am still sad.

Then we play with our daughter, talk about our day, discuss something that needs doing in our house and get kicked again when reminded that we don't have my dad around to ask advice, put our daughter to bed and go to bed ourselves. My last thought at night is always, oh yeah, dad is really gone, this sucks, don't cry, you don't need to cry, go to sleep. But it never works.
So yes, I do still think about my dad EVERYDAY.


  1. Oh Dana, I can't imagine how those kicks must knock the wind and life out of you those many times everyday. All the things that come to mind to say just sound trite and silly and I don't think I'd want anyone to say them to me. Your dad is dearly missed.

  2. ((((HUGS)))) and tears. Felt the kick just reading this. Our days are the same.

    I dread bedtime. It is my worst time of day. I find myself reading till I am exhausted, turning off the light, crying, then turning on the light to start all over again... And sometimes again and again. Trying to get to a point where I don't end up sobbing hysterically because I have nothing to distract me while I try to fall asleep. I hate that. I miss him.

    Maybe instead of distracting myself with books over and over, I'll pray for you when I can't fall asleep. More (((HUGS))).

    Will you guys be around at Easter? We'll be in Martensville for a week. Maybe we can all get together, Moms and all.

  3. Thanks Kim.:)

    Becky, Good idea - let's try to get the four of us together! That would be good. We aren't going anywhere for Easter.
    THanks for the prayers (and hugs), I pray for you whenever you pop into my head throughout the day.

  4. Send me your phone number on facebook or to my email, and maybe we can do lunch. Mom and I love going to the Osler Restaurant for fondue. :) Have you ever done that? It's fab.

  5. Interesting how some things change over time, yet that empty hole of grief stays just how it started 4 years ago. How your Dad would have loved holding those baby girls, playing Wii and building with the little boys, and watching Delaney and Channing grow into young ladies. The forever sadness (is what we call it) is part of our lives, as are the delights and blessings and happiness we experience every day.